"Can we play in the mud?"

Choosing to say "yes."  I've been learning and relearning this lesson for a while.  While raising four small children, I am often looking for ways to calm or focus my children.  And, did you know that two boys is really like having a hundred boys?  They feed off each other in a way that is indescribable.  When I'm able to see the big picture, I absolutely love it.  I love their youthfulness and energy and ability to live freely in the moment.  But, like most parents of small children I know, I often live in the moment-to-moment chaos running a zone defense with my husband, cleaning up the latest spilled milk and asking for the volume level to be lowered. 

One of the benefits of adopting a child through foster care is the demand for self-reflection that is required.  We had four home studies {Prospective Adoptive Parents:: no, four home studies is not normal...we changed agencies half way through and then the new agency closed and we went back to our old agency, requiring a new home study at every stop} before we were able to finalize our adoption with our littlest guy and were asked so many questions about our parenting styles, our communication styles, our discipline styles, etc... Along the way, I learned a lot about myself.  I learned that I measure my success as a parent often by how calm my kids are and how clean my house is.  I also assume everyone else is judging my ability as a parent by those two things.  Which means I walk around feeling ten shades of inadequate at all times.

What is the point of all this?  We had horrific flooding in my area this past weekend and the boys asked me if they could play in the rain.  I said "sure" and they quickly followed it up with "can we play in the mud?"  When I said "yes" they were both thrilled and bolted outside with Reese.  I posted a picture of them in the mud and someone commented that I was such a fun mom.  It made me laugh because my instinct is to just say "no" or "not right now" to many requests that disrupt the tiniest bit of order I may have in the moment.  This has not been a season in which I have felt like I've been a very fun mom.  Thankfully, social media only gets their hands on what I choose to share, so from the social media lens, I can make choose a "fun-mom" filter and crop out the "un-fun mom" moments.  But, in all actuality, I have been a "no, not right now" mom lately.

"Can I push the cart?"

"No, we're in a hurry."
 

"Can I pour my own milk on my cereal?"

"No, I don't feel like cleaning up another mess right now."
 

"Can we play in the mud?"

The adoption attachment book I'm reading for the third time tells me to say "no" as infrequently as I can while our littlest guy is still becoming more secure in our family.  A little light shed on my innate "no-mom" parenting style.  So, lately, I've been trying to pause for a second and respond thoughtfully, rather than a knee-jerk "no" response.  

"Can we play in the mud?"  

"Yes."

And, I'm going to blog about what a fun-mom I am afterward so this memory is preserved in your little minds, sweet children, for the next time I say "no."